December 9, 2023

Jogging really does provide me with a form of clairvoyance.

Because it’s Biggie’s birthday, today, I decided to just simply type “Notorious BIG” in my Apple Search and hit a random shuffle for my Biggie catalog. Obviously, not many songs were skipped. Even though the length of Biggie’s career equates to the stature of an homunculus, his batting average is the size of Thanos.

And so I jog, and listen. Jog and listen. Until Apple blesses me with “Warning.”

Most Biggie and even non Biggie fans are familiar with this song, down to the time he was interrupted by a page at 5:46 am. He proceeds to wipe the cold out of his eye. It’s his friend Pop, from the barbershop. What barbershop? Was Pop a frequent customer? Was he a barber, there? Did he own the shop in order to launder money? Who knows.

But Pop contacts Biggie with insider trading information he obtained while gambling in a designated area probably not approved by the State of New York Gaming Commission. This information pertains to a coordinated attack, which would result in Biggie’s demise. After our author, Biggie, learns of the intricate plot, he allows us, the reader/listener, to pierce the veil of Hood N***a/Hood N***a Confidentiality.

Pop is rambling at this point..

Luckily, Biggie instructs Pop to “slow down, love.” Pop collects his thoughts and starts to inform him about Fame up in Prospect, whom Biggie rolled dice, smoked blunts and got nice with. Biggie, realizing the type of person Fame is, immediately vindicates him, proclaiming he would NEVER disrespect.

But Big didn’t let Pop finish..

Pop wasn’t referring to Fame and company being behind the intricate plot. Fame is actually the one who confided in Pop that there was an intricate plot, afoot, thus confirming Biggie’s high judgement of character, while providing us, the listener, a small yet delightful plot twist. Afterward, Pop informs Biggie that the nefarious individuals attempting to stick the knife through his windpipe, slow, are driven by pure hatred and jealousy, stemming from Biggie blowing up like nitro.

This depresses Biggie..

After hearing this, hearing news from Pop (who has the mack, btw, so he is down for whatever. What a BFF that guy is) that his potential demise would be caused by simple jealousy, Biggie solemnly repeats..Damn, n***as wanna stick for my paper..

Damn, n***as wanna stick for my paper..
Damn, n***as wanna stick for my paper..
Damn, n***as wanna stick for my paper..

Pop continues..

By this point, Pop is fueling Biggie’s anger. He tells Biggie their jealousy stems from obtained Rolexes, the ability to seamlessly move pounds of cocaine, the takeover of the DMV, including Georgetown and half of Virginia, and the acquisition of housing property. More specifically, for Voletta Wallace in the state of Florida.

By the time Pop mentions Biggie’s mother, he cuts him off. Biggie informs Pop to call the coroner, because there will be a lot of slow singing and flower bringing. In hindsight, it sounds like the funeral director should be called for activities like this. Anyway, Biggie then goes on a full, violent laced rant.

We don’t hear from Pop, his loyal friend, anymore..

What follows is an epic build up that I never noticed before. It was Biggie, ranting. Randomly. Not many cohesive thoughts are achieved for the next minute, and his words get more and more violent, as he goes into excruciating detail about his weaponry and the damage they could do to the human body. His frustration continues, as he now realizes anyone could set him up, even the ones who smoke blunts with you.

Biggie admits to us that the more weed he smokes, the more dangerous, thus giving us, the listener/reader a sense of what is further fueling his paranoia. The news of an intricate plot, Pop, the weed, jealousy. All of it is driving this Biggie rant. Driving his paranoia. Driving his rage.

And then..

Biggie hears a noise. He hears somebody coming, thus confirming his rant. Confirming his paranoia. Confirming his rage. We hear the dogs barking, only at first. If we recall, these same dogs made an appearance on “Somebody’s Gotta Die.”

Suddenly, we switch…

We are no longer viewing this story from Biggie’s POV, but from the nefarious actor’s POV, as they seek to commit the intricate plot of robbery, following sticking the knife through Biggie’s windpipe, slow. And as they foolishly bumble and stumble around, whispering so loudly at one another, that it’s on the verge of shouting, we notice the dogs have stopped barking. The crickets are now the only background noise occupying the air. Then, he notices a red dot on his head. Then, the other notices the same red dot on the other’s head..

But it’s too late, with their dying words being, “OHHHH, SHIT!”

The intricate plot is ruined.

Happy birthday, BIG. You were indeed the illest.

The Notorious B.I.G. - Warning (Official Music Video) [HD]

Leslie McLemore writes about a lot of different shit for Black With No Chaser. He is also the Takeaway Kang, the greatest baby father to the dopest babymomma, and the father of two beautiful girls, one of which gets on every nerve he has. The other one is sweet…sometimes. So, you know, balance. Sort of.

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