October 1, 2022

Dear President Biden,

Firstly, I would like to say thank you! Thank you to you and your administration for addressing student loans. This debt is crippling millions of Americans both young and slightly washed, like myself. 

We understand that addressing this takes spending political capital, which lets be honest, you don’t have very much of right now. So we are aware that issuing student loan forgiveness is not easy, even if it is the right thing to do.

With that said, I gotta couple of questions:

1.) Is your son a spy for Russia and/or Trump, or is he f****ing up that much, unilaterally?

2.) The hell is $10,000 gonna do with these Andromeda Galaxy sized student loans we got? 

Let’s skip question 1 for now. I just gotta say, thank god our government is not a medieval, Game of Thrones monarchy, because he would definitely be Joffrey. 

Anyway. Again, what is $10,000 going to do for me? Listen, I didn’t graduate from Lil Romeo Devry Tech, so 10k doesn’t even cover interest, let alone Fried Chicken Thursdays at the schools I attended. Yeah, that’s right. Schools, with an “s” at the end.

And before you—Joe—retort with, “Well, who told you to go to multiple schools and get multiple degrees,” to that I say, Y’ALL! Y’all did that. Y’all told us, growing up, that an education was everything. Y’all told us without an education, we would be working at McDonalds, flipping burgers and pouring battery acid into the Sprite machine, because that’s what that shit is made of! Battery acid!

I’m sorry. I..I digress.

Joe, do you understand that the total student loan debt has now reached 1.6 trillion dollars? This is crisis. A crisis that can’t possibly be solved by throwing a bunch of 10k rocks at a 1.6 trillion dollar tank made out of the finest material our Department of Defense budget can afford (which is 778 billion dollars, btw).

Joe, why not bailout the American people like we bailout entities and industries? We bailed out these for-profit, money hungry companies like Delta Airlines. Only for them to turn around and make record profits, while having more delays than a Spirit/Frontier love child. We gave almost a trillion dollars to the banks in 2008. Which, if you account for the inflation that is currently beating you up, well, that number may actually be a trillion. I don’t know. I went to school to think about stupid, unimportant thoughts. Good lord, I think I took a philosophy class once.

Where is our bailout, Joe? Because trust me, if a bailout actually did happen, we would IMMEDIATELY pump that money back into the economy. I would buy an elephant. I promise you, Joe. An elephant. In fact, I would spend more money to seek out the Black Air Force One wearing Elephant who spun the block at woman’s funeral it killed. I would buy THAT elephant. And spend additional funds to tutor it so it can adequately communicate to us what was going through his or her mind when they decided to spin the block.

Trust me on this, Joe. An elephant.

Sincerely,
This, “either you forgiving these loans or Jesus will because I ain’t paying for em” proud American

Leslie McLemore writes about a lot of different shit for Black With No Chaser. He is also the Takeaway Kang, the greatest baby father to the dopest babymomma, and the father of two beautiful girls, one of which gets on every nerve he has. The other one is sweet…sometimes. So, you know, balance. Sort of.

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