BREAKING: Mark Zuckerberg Develops Sudden Stutter Syndrome

Sudden Stutter Syndrome is a horrific ailment that can be contracted by even the smartest of us. Sudden Stutter Syndrome is usually brought on by stress, panic and “N*gga, why is you lying” questioning from your significant other. Sudden Stutter Syndrome can flare up during multiple scenarios, ranging from your wife finding your burner phone to being bombarded with questions about your multi-billion dollar social media empire by Congress on Capitol Hill. Mark Zuckerberg usually comes across as an awkward, well-mannered super nerd who happens to run a multibillion-dollar social…

Elijah Cummings Loved Black Folks

Elijah Cummings loved black folks before you could be verified on Twitter for loving black folks or get love likes on Facebook because you wrote a post about loving black folks. Elijah Cummings loved black folks in in 1950’s and 60’s segregated Baltimore, Maryland, where he was born and raised. He was raised to love black folks because Baltimore showed Elijah Cummings first hand that black folks needed to be loved. In elementary school, Cummings was part of a group of black folks who helped to integrate swimming pools in…

Lebron James’ statements on China, Decoded

This NBA/China situation has been a complete shitstorm. The shitstorm originated from Rocket’s GM, Daryl Morey, tweeting solidarity for the Hong Kong protesters. It was a tweet which essentially expressed support for freedom, including freedom of speech and expression. As we know, China, the communist government, doesn’t fuck around. And one of their sore spots, for many years, has derived from Hong Kong, especially since the Great Handover of 1997 when the United Kingdom ended its crumpets and tea colonization of Hong Kong and returned control of the territory to…

Trigger Happy Becky’s Guilty White Tears Ain’t Enough

Botham Jean was the perfect nigga. He was an educated, well-mannered, well-dressed black man without a Jaywalking citation attached to his name. And even though the media and white America, in general, searched high and low for imperfections, none were found. (And yes, I know they tried to cite and focus on less than an ounce of weed found in his apartment as a flaw, but that is not a fucking flaw. If anything, it’s a positive, but I digress) No flaws were found because Botham Jean knew that any…

Post-9/11 Unity Wasn’t for Me

Entering my junior year of high school, I thought I had life figured out. My goals included losing my virginity, convincing my parents to purchase a car for their son to assist in the loss of said virginity, and maintaining decent grades so I could get accepted to a four-year university, so I could further shit on the virginity that plagued me. Unfortunately, my junior year was riddled with failure, as my virginity was still alive and well, and I continued hitching rides with friends whose parents clearly supported the…