September 30, 2023
No cap! Brazilian gang member tries to escape prison dressed like his teenage daughter. Oh . . . hears the gag: he was going to leave her in there. Talking about some "fatherly love." Sheeesh.
Rio de Janeiro Penitentiary Administration Secretariat via AP

Soooooo, spoiler alert . . . The plan didn’t work, fam. It. Just. didn’t. 

Brazilian gang member serving a 73-year prison sentence for drug trafficking was caught by prison guards for trying to escape prison dressed like his 19-year-old daughter. And here’s the real gag: this guy thought he was going to walk right out the front door. Oh, okay. 

From the video, it’s easy to see how absolutely ridiculous buddy is for thinking this would work. But when you’ve got 73 years over your head and looking at concrete walls all day, the mind begins to wonder “How in the hell am I about to get out?” Well, this ain’t it. You got to admit, however, he is putting the definition of perseverance to work. Notably, he successfully escaped back in 2013 using a more traditional method of escape – the prison sewer.

(Sidebar: I cannot stop laughing at this story.)

In the end, I have so many questions that would help flesh this story out a bit? For example . . .

  1. How did he get the clothes and the mask in the prison?
  2. Was his daughter complicit?
  3. If yes to #2, why did she think offering herself up as a “sacrificial lamb” to remain in prison was a good idea?
  4. Who made that mask?
  5. Why did he think the bra would be more persuasive in his look?
  6. Did you see his face when he took off that mask?
  8. Was there an audition for “White Chicks II”?
  9. Where did he change clothes?
  10. Was the wig made out of Virgin Brazilian hair?
  11. Did the mask even look like his daughter?
  12. Where is the daughter?
  13. Were those jeggings he was wearing?
  14. Is he El Chapo 2.0?

I’m quite sure there are more questions that need answering, but you get the picture. All of this makes me wonder will he try again. Hopefully next time the plan doesn’t involve his daughter staying in prison for him and him thinking he will walk right out the front door.


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