Dear White People Running for President,
Listen, I know y’all want to be hip and shit. I know you want your “ear to the streets,” and you assume that the only way to sure up the young black vote is to “hit up” the Breakfast Club with Charlamagne, Angela Yee and DJ Envy, but maybe, just maybe y’all should avoid them like I’m out here avoiding this Rona. Avoid them like y’all avoid seasoning, if that makes it easier. Pretend like they are the living embodiment of salt, pepper and onion powder
Believe it or not, Young Black America loves it when you great, damn near boring/excruciating, detail about your comprehensive “Black Agenda” and how each and every major policy you will propose, or enact, unilaterally, will impact black people and the issues that are most precious to us.
Black people, including young black people, are not monolithic. Now, to Charlamagne’s credit, the conversation was substantive, albeit short. However, we are not impressed by hot sauces in bags or “you ain’t black” jokes.
We just ain’t.
But I digress…
Anyway, yeah, where was I? Oh, so yeah, Elizabeth Warren (or Bernie Sanders as back up just in case Lizzy backed out on me) was apart of my summer plans. We were going to get turnt up in Vegas, together. Drink to the good life. Get offered lines of cocaine, which we would immediately reject because we like to party but not party, PARTY. It was going to be fun. Then, ya know, life happened. COVID-19 happened. 2020 happened.
And that’s OK, because life is a box of chocolates mixed with cyanide pills, you never know what you’re going to get.
Biden saying stupid shit is nothing new. He’s been saying stupid shit longer than I’ve been alive. He says stupid shit in debates. He says stupid shit in speeches. He says stupid shit in the White House. He says stupid shit in interviews. He says stupid shit in the shower. I honestly don’t know if he says stupid shit in the shower, but based on his track record, I would be shocked if he DIDN’T say stupid shit in the shower.
And Biden proclaiming, “If you have a problem figuring out whether you’re for me or Trump, you ain’t black,” is the latest stupid shit, an habitual stupid shit say-er, said. Personally, I propose that Trump and Biden, during their first Zoom Debate, have a Stupid Shit-o-meter that tracks every time Biden or Trump says stupid shit.
That Stupid Shit-o-meter will do numbers, no doubt.
But Trump is the undisputed Kang of saying stupid shit. He is also the undisputed Kang of saying racist shit; Xenophobic shit; Misogynist shit; And lying shit.
So while we should hold Biden accountable for the stupid shit he says, I implore us to remember who he is facing. He is facing a person whose incompetence is literally killing people, black people, especially. He is facing someone who kills people with his words, lies, actions, stupidity and willful ignorance.
Stupid Shit Joe is better. I know it sucks, but it’s the truth. Even if the truth is stupid shit.