BWNC Exclusive: We Interview Mark Zuckerberg About the Shutdown that cost him Billions
As many of you know by now, BWNC’s top notch investigative team has interviewed a various array of people, entities and whatchamacallits.
And with the shutdown of multiple social networks under the Zuckerberg umbrella shutting down yesterday, including Facebook and Instagram, we reached out the multibillion dollar man himself to get his reaction on the shutdown, him being 7 billion dollars poorer and what does were the lessons learned from such a chaotic day.
And trust me, he had a lot to say.
BWNC: It’s a pleasure to finally speak with you today. I’ve been a long time user of your platforms, including when Facebook could only be used by college students.
Zuckerberg: Since college students only days? Damn!
BWNC: Whatever, n*gga. Let’s get right into it. Why do you target Black people on your social media platforms?
Zuckerberg: Wait, what? Sorry, I thought this was about the shutdown. *Begins sweating profusely* I’m confused. We love Black people. We don’t target Blac…
BWNC: Hahaha, nah I’m just fucking with you fam. Yeah, this interview is about the shutdown. Even though you do target Black people and Black groups who try to express themselves in Black ass ways, but I’m gonna table that discussion for another day.
BWNC: But nah, let’s get into it. As it relates to the whistleblower revealing that y’all are purposely and knowingly choosing commerce over the mental health and well being of your users without an ounce of remorse, do you think this shutdown was karma or some shit?
Zuckerberg: What the fuck, man?
Zuckerberg: I thought you were going to ask me technical questions about the shutdowns.
BWNC: Technical questions? Oh, I don’t know shit about that. What I do know is that y’all had us nervous about unleashing them DMs.
Zuckerberg: Man, don’t nobody give a damn about y’all cheating asses.
BWNC: You waaaaaay too loud. But ok, so I do have a technical question. Did you try unplugging it and plugging it back in?
Zuckerberg: Nah, man.
BWNC: I would try that. Moving on. Do you realize how bored we were without Facebook and Instagram? And I guess for the mfs on WhatsApp trying to order shit off Alibaba.
Zuckerberg: I mean, I’m sorry. God forbid y’all read a book or do some work.
BWNC: Read a what? I didn’t have to read shit because Twitter was a mf movie yesterday. See, I don’t know why I almost felt bad about you losing 7 billion yesterday.
Zuckerberg: I lost what now?
BWNC: 7 billion.
Zuckerberg: 7 billion what?
BWNC: 7 billion dollars.
Zuckerberg: I lost 7 billion dollars!?!?
BWNC: Ummm, yeah I thought you knew.
Zuckerberg: I ain’t know that! I’ve been busy trying to reboot my shit so y’all dumbasses can argue about the vaccine and share pictures of y’all uglyass kids! You know what? Y’all really aint shit.
BWNC: Tf I do? Who is y’all?
Zuckerberg: Y’all, mf! Y’all social media influencers and models and shit! Y’ALL MFS WOULD BE PLAYING BASKETBALL IN PELICAN BAY IF IT WASN’T FOR ME!
BWNC: Tf Pelican Bay got anything to do wit..
Zuckerberg: 24 hour lockdown!
BWNC: Bruh, don’t be mad at me because you lost 7 billion. Be mad at one of the programmers or software engineers who fucked up. Again, did y’all try unplugging it and plugging it back up?
Zuckerberg: Man, fuck you.
BWNC: Whatever, mf. I’m interviewing Jack Dorsey next and we gonna clown yo robotic head ass.
Zuckerberg: *Walks off interview* *Grabs phone* I just found out I lost 7 billion. All y’all mfs getting fired today!