I Think I’m Addicted to Paper Towels

I think I’ve reached this new phase of adulting, and it scares the shit out of me. I absolutely love paper towels. Like, you got this thing, right? It’s not a tissue or a piece of paper, but it’s also not a full blown towel. It’s almost like being a polygamous relationship. You committed, but not really. Paper Towels provide me with this great intersection of having the same use and function of a towel, but it’s also something you can immediately toss to the side and get a new…

CDC issues new guidance for these grandparents to get these mf kids

The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention this week issued new guidance for vaccinated grandparents to either pick up or receive these mf kids. Statistics show that parents who are between the ages of not washed to a little washed to very washed need a mf break from these mf kids. With stress levels being at an alarming all time high after being stuck with these mf kids for more than a mf year in the mf house, parents of kids who are too young to watch themselves are tired…

20 Things That Taste Better Than Candy Corn

1.) Candy 2.) Corn 3.) Supper (white people dinner) 4.) A McRib that’s been on the planet Venus for two months. 5.) Defeat 6.) Mississippi Delta Water 7.) Earring backs 8.) Orange juice right after brushing your teeth 9.) Moral victories 10.) Your girl trying to cook your momma’s recipe for the first time 11.) Anything labeled as “soul food” that’s not cooked in the South 12.) The state of Florida 13.) Lil Wayne’s last living dreadlock 14.) Everclear 15.) Black and Mild breath 16.) Blood from when you cut…