The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention this week issued new guidance for vaccinated grandparents to either pick up or receive these mf kids.
Statistics show that parents who are between the ages of not washed to a little washed to very washed need a mf break from these mf kids. With stress levels being at an alarming all time high after being stuck with these mf kids for more than a mf year in the mf house, parents of kids who are too young to watch themselves are tired and are apparently running low on Xanax.
“If you are fully vaccinated and your grandchild can’t watch themselves, we highly recommend you watch these mf kids. Grandparents facetiming these mf kids is no longer an option for parents. The data and science shows us parents of these mf kids are purchasing items from the local weedman at an alarming rate. Even though we don’t discourage the parents of these mf kids pursuing the local weedman, we highly encourage parents to turn off your child’s facetime on their iPad and take said kids to their grandparent’s house, ASAP. If vaccinated grandparents refuse to answer requests to watch these mf kids, we also recommend the parents of these mf kids to drop off mf kids without warning. This policy is similar to the DoorDash policy of dropping food at your doorstep,” CDC Director Dr. Whatchamacallit said during a virtual White House briefing on Monday.
The federal health agency says parents of these mf kids are outside, ready to brunch and day party, do yacht shit, travel to destinations that are not deemed kid friendly and are ready to push their livers to the brink. The CDC did not define a specific amount of time for how long grandparents should keep these mf kids, but the agency’s website says “as long as it takes for parents to turn up, followed by a long recovery process.”
“Usually, we wouldn’t recommend such an audacious and draconian guidelines. However, due to these mf kids running rampant, we have no other choice to recommend such strict guidelines. We MUST flatten the Bad Ass Kids curve for the sake of these parents, Dr. Whatchamacallit said. “We will continue to recommend this until widespread breaks from these mf kids are achieved.”
Leslie McLemore writes about a lot of different shit for Black With No Chaser. He is also the Takeaway Kang, the greatest baby father to the dopest babymomma, and the father of two beautiful girls, one of which gets on every nerve he has. The other one is sweet…sometimes. So, you know, balance. Sort of.
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