Disney, I too am disturbed by the Little Mermaid

Dear Disney,

A lot of—shall we say Icelandic-y—folks are UPSET that a fictional half human/half fish, underwater breathing mermaid is Black. And after seeing the preview, I must admit that I too am disturbed.

Yes, that’s right. Disturbed.

I am disturbed that y’all didn’t double down to make these racist even more upset. This makes me highly upset. Halle Baily is such a multifaceted talent. And we should use her talents as such. So, here are my demands. I want y’all to drop the “Little” and refer to her as Lil Mermaid.

Wait, no. It’s Lil’ Mermaid. That apostrophe is key. Other name ideas are as follows:

Lil’ Murdamaid
Ariel-Nicole
Luh Mermaid
Lil’ Walk Walk (Because she’s singing about walking on land and shit)

I could go on, but let’s move on. I also want Lil’ Walk em Down to rap “Part of your World.” To sing it that beautifully is making them upset.

But not upset enough.

I want her to have a rapping rendition of Part of Your World over a NYC Drill beat. Call it Part of Deez Nutz. I want that same beat Fivio Foreign always raps to. Y’all know what I’m talking about. Don’t pretend like y’all don’t know. Its that “Duh-T-T-T” followed by a “PLOW” adlib. Sort of like what Batman use to say in those throwback comic books.

Also, I want Big Aire to do the underwater griddy. I want her use a hot comb. I want Ursula to look like Fannie Lou Hamer at the 1964 Democratic Convention. I need her to sweat like she’s been in the church cafeteria, cooking yams, while nodding and repeatedly saying “yes,” to herself at the shouting portion of the preacher’s sermon she’s listening to from a ole school loud speaker. I want Sebastian to talk like James Baldwin after he picked up that strange accent. Probably in Paris. I want Kang Triton to sound like Dr. King talking to black sanitary public works employees in Memphis.

That’s what I want.

Double, triple and quadruple down.

Sincerely,
When They Go Low, We Go Mariana Trench

Leslie McLemore writes about a lot of different shit for Black With No Chaser. He is also the Takeaway Kang, the greatest baby father to the dopest babymomma, and the father of two beautiful girls, one of which gets on every nerve he has. The other one is sweet…sometimes. So, you know, balance. Sort of.

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