For Halloween I’m Going as Critical Race Theory

When I step outside to take my kids trick or treating, and thus beginning my annual evil masterplan of stealing their candy, I may…I mean my kids may unfortunately receive less candy than usual. And when they see their candy buckets being only halfway full, they look up with sadness.

They may even cry.

They may ask, “Daddy, why?” And I will look them dead in their face, proud as can be, and reply, “Honey, it was worth it. I scared the shit out of them. Now let’s go to Target and get this after Halloween sale on candy. I can scare more of them there, too.”

When they get scared, they yell, “FUCK, SHIT,” right?

I don’t know. You know what? That’s unfair. I’m sure they yell a variety of different phrases, including different iterations of fuck and shit. Anyway, whatever they yell, I think I’m going to scare a lot of them this Halloween, because I’m going to go as Critical Race Theory. What is Critical Race Theory, you ask? Well, it’s the rigorous study of institutional and systemic racism—both at a macro and micro level—and thoroughly examines the intersection of racism and society, as an aggerate, including legal, financial, social and culture constructs.

“FUCK, SHIT,” yelled Tanner.

Ok, McKenzie, before you shit your pants, lets just think about this. Critical Race Theory has been around longer than a lot of us have been alive. This idea; this study; this academia is nothing new. Racism being something embedded in legal systems and policies shouldn’t be this radical, far fetched idea. In fact, for most (if not every) Black people, we kind of thought it was understood.

Talk about being scared of Critical Race Theory. Try living that mf. Try living Critical Race Theory. Critical Race Theory eats breakfast with Black people and shit. The intersection of racism and society is probably the reason why some of us eat Turkey Bacon.

Listen, Hunter. The idea of Critical Race Theory being taught at your kid’s school shouldn’t scare you. It should make you happy. Here is this academic exercise that will help make your children smarter, more inclusive, and less of a racist asshole. And no, critical race theory is not the teaching that all white people are racist.

However, it IS the teaching/theory that racism is part of everyday life, so people—white or nonwhite—who don’t intend to be racist can nevertheless make choices that fuel racism. And I have to be completely honest—and you may want to sit down for a second, Kyle—but this is true.

“FUCK, SHIT,” yelled Colton.

Listen, Hunter. The idea of Critical Race Theory being taught at your kid’s school shouldn’t scare you. It should make you happy. Here is this academic exercise that will help make your children smarter, more inclusive, and less of a racist asshole. And no, critical race theory is not the teaching that all white people are racist.

However, it IS the teaching/theory that racism is part of everyday life, so people—white or nonwhite—who don’t intend to be racist can nevertheless make choices that fuel racism. And I have to be completely honest—and you may want to sit down for a second, Kyle—but this is true.

“FUCK, SHIT,” yelled Colton.

Leslie McLemore writes about a lot of different shit for Black With No Chaser. He is also the Takeaway Kang, the greatest baby father to the dopest babymomma, and the father of two beautiful girls, one of which gets on every nerve he has. The other one is sweet…sometimes. So, you know, balance. Sort of.

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