HOUSE OF THE DRAGON : THE BLACK QUEEN RECAP
Have you ever seen a Rottweiler fight a chihuahua? Have you? Me neither…but I bet it ain’t pretty.–Lord Money Mike of House Pimpin Pimpin
This week on Diary of a Mad Black Woman, we saw Rhae Rhae taken thru hell and back. She took loss after loss after loss whilst Waiting to Exhale. Shit, I ain’t seen this many consecutive Ls since the summer of the Ginuwine IG dance posts gone bad. But anyways, back to the recap….
Aight so boom…fresh off her escape after kickin in the do’ and waving the fo’fo’ at Alicunt and the rest of the LieTowers, Aunt Niecy said she was gone Do the Right Thing and Roll Bounce right on over to Dragonstone to warn Rhae Rhae, because well..Family Matters. She pulls up and without even saying ISorry to Bother You, she went right to spilling all the tea…Ice tea, Sweet tea, Unsweet tea(the ghetto), Lipton tea, In My White Tee…Yup…ALLUM. She let her know that Viserys was now her Ghost Dad, but that was the least of her problems. She told Rhae Rhae to Get on Up and get some Hustle and Flow about herself because Alicunt and Hating Ass Otto had Bamboozled her and named Aegon the A-hole as king. Aaaaand, they was coming to kill her and her Five Heartbeats and the one in the oven. Now D-Smoke, who we all know, don’t miss shit and dont play around when it comes to Rhae Rhae, suspiciously asked Auntie how did she so easily Get Out and immediately accused them of murdering the rest of his brother. All of this sent Rhae spiraling and brought on the way too early birth of her child, resulting in a stillbirth. We then find ourselves at the baby’s fune. Ser Erryk pulled up with Viserys’ crown in hand ready to bend the knee along with everyone one else except Auntie. Had us wondering if she was showing her true Colors.
In the war room, standing around the coldest table ever crafted, Rhae is discussing allies and strategy to keep the realm intact. Sidenote, In the midst of all her personal loss while still being saturated in grief, anger and afterbirth, Rhae put all her own shit to the side to make sure everyone else was good cause well…that’s what Black women do…thank yall. Now mind you, feeling like they had all the Juice, D-Smoke turned into DMX and started naming all the dragons they had…”there was Syrax, Caraxees, Arrax, and Meylees…..Vermithor, oh I met her at a Silk Road parlor….” He knows they are the great Equalizer.
They were interrupted with news that Hating Ass Otto pulled up on them with all the confidence of King Jaffy Joffur. He came at Queen and Slim on some bend the knee and keep the peace shit. D-Smoke, being the Man on Fire that he is, wasn’t trying to hear that shit and wanted him dead right then. But Rhae Rhae wasn’t trying to go that route, instead she cussed him TF out and stormed off. Back inside, Ike and Anna Rhae were discussing the next move. He was all about that action while she was on some peace and love shit and respecting her father’s dream. This infuriated D-Smoke and in his rage and jealousy, he choked the fire and ice out of the woman he has had a Love Jones for since she was 12. When it comes to war, What Love Got To Do With It? Apparently to D-Smoke, not a gawd damn thing.
Down in Driftmark we see Uncle C bounce back like a Boomerang from that asswhooping he took in the Stepstones. Soon as he opened his eyes, Aunt Niecy gave him the business. She basically told him “love should have brought yo ass home last night” but instead you was out witcho lil friends playing Black Sparrow in The Pirates of the Carribean. She also told him about the new regime and that his brother was beheaded by D-Smoke for calling Rhae Rhaes kids the strong niggas that they are. To which he replied “welp….that negrogaryan ain’t shitness always get us In Too Deep. He tried to go in on Rhae and Auntie checked his ass AGAIN…Back in the war room as they were discussing strategy, Uncle C made another Superfly entrance when he dapped in smoother than Goldie from the Mack with Shafts theme music playing in the background. He proceeded to verbally lay down The Wood and let them know that he was THAT NEGROGARYAN. Rhae was preparing to send ravens to their possible allies when Jake said send us, while Luke was like send who? We should have known then …Instead of leaving her Boyz in the Hood, she agreed to let them Get On Up and travel as messengers.Meanwhile we find Luke, fresh off a standby flight through a hurricane over in Storms End with nothing but empty threats and empty hands, only to be ridiculed by Borros Baratheon. He was also beat to the punch by that Menace II SocEYEity, Eyemond Longface. That Eyemerican Gangster snatched off that eye patch showing us his blue magic sapphire. He was still SEEthing from what Luke did to him as children and demanded his eye. Whole time all I heard in my head was Aunt Patti wailing “…and EYYYYYE just want you to know how eye feeeeelllll…how eye feeeel…oh eye!” They were about to Set it Off until Borros separated Nettie and can’t Seelie like Mister from The Color Purple. Luke ran TF up outta Borros’ throne room and straight into the waiting wings of Arrax…if “I’m in a bind Nate” was a person. He takes off with Eyemond on Deebo chasing him. Neither guy had control of their dragons and it cost them. Arrax scary ass spit fire on Vhaegar. That shit was the equivalent of seeing them folks throwing rocks at them tanks over in Iraq. And in return, Vhaegar ate they ass like Soul Food. In hindsight on his way to the upper room while basking in the Moonlight, I know Luke wished Arrax had some Black Dynamite instead of that Lil ass Bic lighter he threw at Vhaegar.
Which takes us to the last scene and D-Smoke delivering the bad news to Rhae Rhae. That last frame , we saw that look in Rhae Rhae’s eye and we knew IMMEJIATLY that she wasn’t gone wait till Friday, the Friday After Next, or the First Sunday to Set it Off. She about to show, who Leslie refers to in his takeaways as the Collards(but they unseasoned asses are more like Kale)a real Warrior King.Too bad we got to wait two MFn years to see it….TF?
Anyways, because y’all love us and we love y’all and since Love Don’t Cost a Thing, we gone keep this House Party going. We will be doing a reWATCH DEM THRONES starting from the original GoT. Y’all gone get us talking our talk on the pod, Leslie and his dynamic takeaways, my recaps, and all the memes we can muster. You guys have really been a Class Act this first season and we thank you…see y’all Sunday for the Season 1 wrap up….–TK
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