I Once Contracted The 2G Virus From The Snake Game On My Nokia

It was the year 1997…

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was 12 years old in 97′ and the snake game on my Nokia phone dropped. It pulled me in from the jump. It was just as addictive as porn.

Yes, porn.

I played for hours and hours, controlling the snake with my fingers, as I searched for food for it to consume, while also attempting to avoid the act of the snake eating itself. I was trying to stop the fucking snake from cannibalizing itself. And that’s how “they” get you. That’s how the 2G got me. Unbeknownst to me at the time, this was nothing more than a ploy by my wireless provider to infect me with the 2G.

Now granted, the 2G virus is considered deadly, but doesnt have nearly as high of a mortality rate as the 5G. According to YouTube science, they believe the 5G virus’ mortality rate is astronomical, even though the science from YouTube videos have failed to boil it down to an exact percentage.

The 2G virus left me fatigued and drained. It caused my brain to focus on nothing else but the fucking snake game. Because of this, my grades started to slip. My extracurricular activities were an afterthought. My parents became concerned, as they identified the potential slippery slope that was happening to their child before their very eyes.

I was losing, and the 2G was winning..

However, after a lot of antibodies, which included focusing less on the snake game and focusing more on porn, I managed to overcome my infliction. I managed to beat it. I write this to provide hope to those impacted by the 5G virus. I write this to say that there is a chance. That even though the YouTube science videos made from someone’s basement about the 5G virus is 100% correct and shouldn’t be challenged, I think with enough zeal, we can beat it.

We can beat it by watching porn.

*But wait, don’t you watch porn from your phone?*

Shit, never mind. We’re all doomed.

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