Interview with the Bonnet
By now, most of us have either watched or have been made aware of relationship scammer, I mean “guru” Derrick Jaxn and his extramarital affair that sent shockwaves throughout the Black Social Media-verse. And I’m sure most are also aware of the damage control done by Mr. Jaxn when he brought along his wife to convince his fans and (laughably) the internet that he was a reformed person.
Well, while the damage control did lead to reasonable questions about whether Mrs. Jaxn got on live voluntarily or not, one thing people are dying to know is why did she wear a bonnet?
Well, we got the bonnet.
BWNC: Hello, Bonnet, I hope all is well.
Bonnet: Excuse me, what did you say?
BWNC: I said, hello..
Bonnet: No, I heard the hello part. What did you call me?!?
BWNC: Well, I said Bonnet. Is that not your name?
Bonnet: No, that’s not my name! Do I look like a bonnet to you!?
BWNC: I mean, yeah. Kind of.
Bonnet: No, I am a HAT. Thank you, very much.
BWNC: Oh, my sincerest apologies. I just thought that…
Hat: You don’t have to think shit. Too much thinking is what why you broke, witcha broke arse.
BWNC: I don’t understand what my 580 credit score has anything to do with this, but let’s move on. What did you think about the entire situation?
Hat: Ok, so here’s the thing. When she put me on, I was like, oh, where we going? To the supermarket? You know, because I’m only put on when we about to either keep it lowkey or commit some crimes. So, I was like cool, I love stealing from CVS or Walgreens. But then, when she sat down next to Derrick Jackson, I was like oh, what we doing, baby? And THEN when I saw that were sitting in front of computer with like tens of thousands of people watching us, I was like noooo! What you doing!? Why am I here!?
BWNC: Ok, wow, so you were just as shocked as we were!? And btw, I noticed you spelled his name “Jackson.”
Hat: Yes. And yeah, because that’s his name. Aint no mf Jaxn. Who spells Jackson, Jaxn? Who this think he is, Creflo Dollar? At least Creflo lets you know he scamming you with the last name Dollar. But anyway, I always knew something was wrong with that dude. And I can’t believe he had all those followers. And then he dragged his poor wife in this. She ain’t do nothing. She wanted to wear me all day. That’s all she wanted. She ain’t ask for all this. She loves me some me. She don’t wash me, doe. Do I stink?
BWNC: A little. But what do you mean when she says she loves you?
Hat: She loves me some me. We go everywhere together. Well, when we are allowed to go places.
BWNC: So, you are sometimes forced to stay at home?
BWNC: Was she forced to do that live?
Hat: Maybe. I…I’ve said too much.
BWNC: So, Hat, what kind of..
Hat: I’m not a HAT! I’m a Beanie!!!!!
BWNC: Now hold up. You just said you were a Ha…
Beanie: This interview is over! This is getting highly offensive. I never said I was a Hat! Do I look like a hat to you!?
BWNC: Bonnet, I mean hat, I mean Beanie, truth be told, we have no idea wtf you are. Like, nobody does. It’s very confusing, and frankly you are confusing me even more.
Beanie: Whatever, bye. Lemme get off this zoom. Me and Mrs. Jackson gotta another social media live to jump on.
Leslie McLemore writes about a lot of different shit for Black With No Chaser. He is also the Takeaway Kang and is the father of two beautiful girls, one of which gets on every nerve he has. The other one is sweet. So, you know, balance.
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