Meghan Markle and Prince Harry: The Real Interview

By now, most of us either watched or have been made aware of Oprah interviewing Meghan Markle and Prince Harry. A lot was said. A lot was revealed. But did we get the real version of the interview? Or only the edited version?

Well, the zealous team at Black With No Chaser managed to uncover the real, unedited version of the worldwide, televised interview.

And it was a lot, to say the least.

Oprah: Did you know what you were getting into?

Meghan: Of course. I mean, it’s the royal family! Them racist mfs been racist before people even came up with the word racist. Don’t let that “I was naïve” shit I was saying fool you. I knew damn well what I was doing. But I was like fuck it, you know? I can take a lil racism here and there if I can be a princess. Or a duchess. Or whatever tf I am.

Oprah: Did you make Kate cry?

Meghan: Nah, actually, the reverse happened. She made me cry with laughter after she told me she was still the finest person marrying into the family. I was like shiiiiit, your sister finer than you. How you the finest?

Oprah: Do you feel like you were trapped in the palace?

Meghan: A little bit. It was a palace. So, who could really complain about that right? But it was an old white people palace. You know? With old white people shit. Old white people furniture. Old white people art. Old white people smell. I had to get outta there.

Oprah: Do you feel like you were silenced by the royal family?

Meghan: Yeah, they tried to hit me with that “No ComMeNt” bs. I was playing along with it at first, until I come to find out they didn’t really have my back. They wasn’t gang gang, ya know? But why would I even be shocked by that. Buckingham Palace doesn’t have a black woman’s back?! SHOCKING!

Oprah: Did you ever get to a “dark place.”

Meghan: Yeah, I did. Like, listen. Just because you got a lil come up, like I did with marrying a prince and shit, doesn’t mean it’s not stressful. This shit is stressful. And I was about to snap. Probably would’ve took a couple of them old farts with me. But I got myself right. Mental health, or lack thereof, doesn’t discriminate. AND THEN MFS SAID I COULDN’T GET PROFESSIONAL HELP OUTSIDE THAT RUSTY DUSTY ASS PALACE…you know what? Lemme chill.

Oprah: Is it true that members of the royal family had concerns about Archie’s skin color?

Meghan: Yes, and again, what such a shock. The royal family is…wait for it…racist. Have you seen my baby? He’s white, white. Like, clear. He’s see through. And the nerve of that family to talk about anybody’s appearance. Have you seen them? They look like if Hocus Pocus and Wrong Turn had a baby.

Oprah: So, after stepping away from the royal family, what happened?

Meghan: Well, our security was revoked. So we had to crash with Madea, I mean Tyler Perry. He was great, btw, but I think we gave him the idea for his next project called “Madea Goes to Buckingham Palace.” Our apologies, in advance.

Oprah: Did you feel like you had the family’s support?

Meghan: Well..

Harry: Fuck no, we didn’t have the family’s support. They’ve always been hating on me though. Because I got shine. I got drip. And I haven’t lost my hair as fast as William ole bald head ass. Him and pops on some fuck shit. But it’s all good. When the Crown gets to Season 7, I’ll be the one with the last laugh.

Oprah: Do you think the Royal Family has a blind spot when it comes to Meghan and her race?

Harry: Come on, Oprah. I love you, but what kind of questions is that? Of course. My whole family’s legacy is built on being racist. It’s built on being colonists and stripping the resources of others. Shiiit, how you think I got this clean ass suit? Come on na. You already know. But I ain’t even mad. They didn’t support my momma. They didn’t support my wife. So you know what? Fuck em. We out. As Harriet Tubman likes to say! Am I right, Oprah? Hahaha!

Oprah: Don’t do that. Anyway, was the Queen blindsided by you and Meghan stepping down?

Harry: Nah, the Queen cool. But my brother and father some fuck boys.

Oprah: So, I would assume things between you and the family are tense, right now?

Harry: Hell yeah. And to be honest, things would probably be tense between Phillip and I because he a pompous you know what, but grandpops so old at this point, he probably doesn’t even know wtf is going on. And here is the thing. How are they going to be “worried” about my son’s skin color? Have you seen the skin on these mfs!? See, I should’ve married a dark skin woman to really piss them off.

Meghan: Wow.

Harry: I love you, baby. But I’m just saying. *shrugs*

Oprah: Are you still talking to the Queen?

Harry: Yeah, that’s my homie. She racists too, but that’s my homie. Again, it’s them other fuck boys this Hit Em Up Diss track/Interview is dedicated to. Hey William, thats why I fuc…

Oprah: Ok, that’s a wrap! Thank you for joining us!

Leslie McLemore writes about a lot of different shit for Black With No Chaser. He is also the Takeaway Kang and is the father of two beautiful girls, one of which gets on every nerve he has. The other one is sweet. So, you know, balance. 

Follow him on Facebook , Twitter and Instagram.

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