June 5, 2023

When Slim asked Queen how did she want to be loved….

She replied,

“I want him to show me scars I never knew I had. But I don’t want him to make them go away. I want him to hold my hand while I nurse them myself. And I want him to cherish the bruises they leave behind.”

Queen: I’m scared.
Slim: Its alright. I’ll be brave enough for the both of us.

This reminded me of how subconsciously guarded I can be. We can be… Now don’t take this as I’m admitting to screwing up on someone. I’m not. I’ve met some amazing men and well… I’ve kissed some frogs. I knew the frogs were toads though. Hell I’m fluent in f@ckboy. But that’s neither here nor there. The point is… I had to reach a place where I felt completely secured in myself and safe to be vulnerable. It’s hard to open up to people out of fear that they will at some point weaponize your traumas or try and diagnose you and eventually use it against you.

I don’t want to speak for all women, but I can assure you that many felt Queen’s response in their spirits. At least I did. Outside of my Father…. I can honestly say that there has only been 1 man who has ever been able to hold up a mirror to me and show me my ugly self. He held my hand as I faced me. When I readily kept my shoes laced and pumped up (remember those Shac shoes that you could pump up) to run away. I couldn’t run from him. And even after a heated argument when I wanted to scoot to the edge of the bed and not touch him… The unexplainable magnetism connected us and we held each other tighter… loved each other harder…(insert corny azz star gaze here)

I kinda feel this film did a great job capturing the different emotions that make up the Black Woman. She started off a bit judgmental with Slim. She was an asshole, but subtle with it. Lol! Her stubbornness….a defense mechanism. While we all felt she was doing the most when they were pulled over… She spoke up for this man. This Black Man… I mean… sure I could be reaching, but guess what? Reach reach mother f@ckers!

I was reading an article about the movie in New York Times and the author said, “What is so honest about Queen is that she understands how the world sees her as a black woman yet she stands firm in her autonomy and takes up space despite that knowledge.”

I feel like we fight ourselves daily for ourself… I learned that I have to show up for me every day… and when in relationships…you have to show up everyday. But deep down…men and woman just want to be loved in their imperfect and vulnerable state.

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