BREAKING: Joe Biden Says Stupid Shit..Again

First off.. Dear White People Running for President, Listen, I know y’all want to be hip and shit. I know you want your “ear to the streets,” and you assume that the only way to sure up the young black vote is to “hit up” the Breakfast Club with Charlamagne, Angela Yee and DJ Envy, but maybe, just maybe y’all should avoid them like I’m out here avoiding this Rona. Avoid them like y’all avoid seasoning, if that makes it easier. Pretend like they are the living embodiment of salt,…

Electability Is A Russian Bot

Elizabeth Warren was it.. she was it, for me personally, I can’t even lie. She may not have been it for you, but she was it for me. But I didn’t go to bat on this white man’s internet as much as I should’ve. Going back and forth with people via Social Media is for the young and old, while I reside in the middle, observing comment battles—with a cup of cranberry juice, spiked with Tito’s Vodka—that rage on for a millennia. But honestly, I regret that.. because, to me,…

If I See One Moe F**king Bloomberg Commercial…

They haunt me.. Day and night, they haunt me. They appear out of nowhere when I’m awake and they visit me in my dreams when I’m asleep, instantly turning my pleasant dreams into dreadful nightmares. They stalk me. They walk with me. They follow me like a deathly shadow, waiting for me to acknowledge their existence. “White Supremacy?” Close, but no. Mike Bloomberg commercials. Michael Bloomberg and his commercials are scarier than Michael Myers. At this point, I’m considering taking karate lessons so I can attack his commercials like Busta…

Mayor Pete Butti-Whatever Lets Founding Fathers Slide On The Whole Slavery Thing

Mayor Pete Buttigieg is a lying mf. But this has been well established. And this lying mf also seems to be an ignorant mf, at least when it comes to U.S. History. Now, Mayor Pete Buttigieg is a Harvard graduate and a Rhodes Scholar, so if he is ignorant, then the mf is willfully ignorant, because those two programs are worth at least 300K, and I find it hard to believe that a 300K education didn’t go over U.S. History. Like, you really mean to tell me that this mf…

Dear Future Black Presidential Candidates..

Dear Future Black Presidential Candidates, Your blackness will have to shine like a diamond chain in an early 2000’s Cash Money video. Your blackness will have to be authentic and organic. Your blackness cannot be a steroid induced two-piece from Church’s. Your blackness must not be something you can turn on when you visit the local fried chicken joint or the Soul Train Awards, then turn off when you visit farmers in Iowa. When you visit those white folk farmers in Iowa, you need to remind them that you are…