September 24, 2022

President Joe Biden signs the Juneteenth National Independence Day Act, in the East Room of the White House, Thursday, June 17, 2021, in Washington. From left, Rep. Barbara Lee, D-Calif, Rep. Danny Davis, D-Ill., Opal Lee, Sen. Tina Smith, D-Minn., obscured, Vice President Kamala Harris, House Majority Whip James Clyburn of S.C., Sen. Raphael Warnock, D-Ga., Sen. John Cornyn, R-Texas, Rep. Joyce Beatty, D-Ohio, Sen. Ed Markey, D-Mass., and Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee, D-Texas. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

We did a lot of Juneteenth, last Juneteenth.

Like, it was a lot. I wrote some things , you wrote some things, my momma probably wrote some things, KD’s burner account probably wrote some things. Everybody wrote some things. With this universal dedication to bring Juneteenth awareness, it sparked a lot of conversation and a lot of education. This education and awareness trickled into 2021, when the federal government announced that Juneteenth would be recognized as an official federal holiday. That’s right, it only took 150 years to recognize the day America could officially declare itself a free country, legally (obviously not literally).

And with this Juneteenth holiday, comes a day of rest. A chance for a lot of Black folks to kick back and take a break from the stresses of labor. To have a day where America pays Black folks to not do anything, when this same America didn’t pay Black folks to do everything, for so long. Right before the Juneteenth holiday was announced by our proud government, Black people wondered if anything else came with the effort to push for a Juneteenth holiday. We wondered if real, substantive action that targeted People of Color would be addressed, ratified and signed by our government.

We pulled up at the American Government drive thru to place our Juneteenth Holiday order. And well, we got the leaked conversation of that order. Here’s how it went down..

Government: Hi, there! Welcome to the American Government. What can I get for you, today?!?

Black People: Ummmm, lemme get a uuuhhh Juneteenth holiday with a uuuuuuuh large side of..hold on

Also Black People (Talking to each other): What y’all want? Police Brutality and Reparations? Bro, that’s too much. We gotta space this out. You getting greedy. So reparations? Aight, bet.

Black People: Yeah, sorry about that. Yeah, let us get a large side of reparations, please!

Government: One Juneteenth holiday coming right up!

Black People: Thanks! Did you get that side of reparations?

Government: A repa what? Something that “reps the culture?” Coming right up!

Black People: No, no, not a reps the culture. Reparations!

Government: Oooooo, sorry about that. And you said a large size, right? I’m soooo sorry, we’re all out of large sizes. Can you pull up to the first windo…

Black People: Well let us get a medium side of Reparations then!

Government: We ain’t got no mediums, either!

Black People: Small?

Government: Nope.

Black People: Extra small?

Government: Our reparations machine broke! Now pull round to first window, PLEASE.

Black People: Shit, then why I ain’t you just say that!?

*Pulls up to the window*

Government: Here, damn!

*Throws Juneteenth holiday at us*

*Drives off*

Leslie McLemore writes about a lot of different shit for Black With No Chaser. He is also the Takeaway Kang, the greatest baby father to the dopest babymomma, and the father of two beautiful girls, one of which gets on every nerve he has. The other one is sweet…sometimes. So, you know, balance. Sort of.

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