October 1, 2022

Disclaimer: If you send text messages with green bubbles, this ain’t for you.

Damn, it’s been 14 years! Some of yall’s mamas are still using an iPhone 2 and get freaked out by facetime. I wish my old ass had an iPhone when I was a freshman in high school. Wait, that’s a lie. I am so happy we didn’t have smartphones at any time I was a freshman, high school, or college cause I promise yall would have canceled my whole life if you had seen the stuff we did back then. Thank God for grace and mercy!

Apple has announced the release of its new line of iPhone. The iPhone 14 and the iPhone 14 Plus (pro editions available, too) using the new iOS 16 are being touted as having a faster processor, better camera, and longer battery life. They will also have new safety and emergency features like SOS via satellite. In addition, apple used aerospace-grade aluminum and added their new Super Retina XDR OLED Display, which promises to make colors pop off the screen and remain visible in all lighting situations. It also has a ceramic shield to protect the phone’s glass screen and help it resist water and moisture.

The iPhone 14 also lets you customize your home screen with photos, fonts, and widgets. Yes, android users, we know you all have been able to do this for years, but your phones are trash, and so are your opinions about iPhones. Talk to us when androids get some standards. iPhone has improved its App Tracking Transparency features to give users more control over their data and who they share it with.

The emergency SOS satellite feature is a game changer. As most of us know, cellphone towers and, at times, wifi coverage can be spotty. There’s nothing worse than being stranded somewhere without a cell signal. With satellite access, you can let people know where you are in life-or-death situations. Speaking of emergencies. Using technology iPhone 14 can determine sudden speed shifts, abrupt changes in direction, cabin pressure changes when airbags deploy, and the loud sound levels of extreme impacts; Siri can now detect if you have been in a severe car crash and will call for help when you can’t.

If you take a ton of pictures for leisure or use your phone’s camera to capture moments professionally, the iPhone 14 camera upgrades are super impressive. I’ve enjoyed taking pictures with iPhone’s portrait mode with the last couple of models. I can’t wait to check out the improvements. With upgrades that not only blur out background images making the subjects of the photos crystal clear, it also blurs out some images in the foreground, rendering pictures in ways only the pros could do using sophisticated photoshop techniques. In addition, the iPhone 14 pro models also include a 48MP primary camera that touts superior detail and a telephoto lens to capture pics up close and far.

Apple not only improved their phone’s picture-taking abilities, but they also updated how videos are shot. Capturing sporting events or live action has drastically improved with features like action mode. The phone’s cinematic mode automatically shifts focus to the most important subject, recording in 4K with 24 frames per second, just like they use in major motion pictures.

To make all of this happen, apple has deployed its best chip ever, the A15 Bionic. Using a 5 Core GPU makes gaming spectacular, and because of its efficiency, it promises not to overheat while gaming, streaming, or intense usage. iPhone 14 also has ditched physical sim cards and converted over to using an eSim card. This comes in handy if you have multiple phone numbers and data plans but hate carrying multiple phones. This also helps when phones are lost and stolen. Thieves can no longer pop your sim card out and replace it with theirs. Lastly, this is helpful for international travelers. Now all you have to do is activate an eSim for the country you’re visiting, and Boom, you’re in the game!

You can pre-order now through Apple directly or your carrier. The iPhone 14 will be available starting September 16, and the iPhone 14 Plus will be available on October 7th. If you’re like me, and your old iPhone suddenly started acting funny due to the new iPhone, it’s time to upgrade. Or perhaps you’re an Android user, and you made it through the shit talking and slander prominently featured at the top of this article, and you are excited about these features and want to make the jump to apple; this wouldn’t be a wrong iPhone model to make the switch to. However, if you’re iPhone 12 or 13 is working just fine for you, you’re probably just fine.

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