There’s Some WAPless in this House

Okay, okay, okay. Imma say my lil piece or peace. It all comes from the same place. File this under factual opinion and empowerment. Let’s give these haters, who will hereafter be referred to as “WAPless”, the attention and guidance they need and deserve. Let it further be noted that the haters are probably also actually WAPless. You following me? Bet. So, this “uproar” is getting out of hand. Really, it started out of hand. Now the WAPless just done ran tf out. For the life of me, I can’t understand this WAPless energy. Let’s be honest, any distaste towards this song is How To Be A WAPless: 101. We’ve heard more, seen more, done more. And that’s perfectly fine. Freedom, in all its forms, is a must, including and especially, SEXUAL freedom. Prior to hearing the song yesterday or reading commentary Friday, I expected the song/video to be the most ratchetest, vulgarest, and sexually explicit song of the decade. đź—Ł It’s Cardi B ft. Megan Thee, reigning Queens of ratchet, vulgar and sexually explicit content!!! Honestly, it was slick tame. Did ya’ll see the promo photo? Quite WAP inducing. No shame in that. I’m FREE af. I felt thoroughly empowered, bar for bar. No lie. I was a whole amen corner. Black women are out here wanting a seat at the table, forgetting WE ARE THE DAMN TABLE. Full spread (yep). All courses. The drank too. The mere existence of a platform called OnlyFans is truth to power. Sometimes we gotta let em know. Sometimes we need, not so subtle reminders, to embrace our essence. That thang powerful. WAPP (Wet AND Powerful P), if you will. We gotta stop hiding under the cloak of respectability and whitewashed societal ideas of womanhood and sexuality. Live your life. Pop your shit. Be you. Literally, everyone else is, even if they say otherwise. It’s just the WAPless showing themselves to be WAPless. Don’t fall for the okey doke. We fine and we sexy. And that’s dope. All day. Everyday. Anyway, let me run down a few additional points right quick for the WAPless. You ain’t gotta be WAPless no mo.

To Whom It May Concern:
1. No woman who has a WAP is offended. Not one of us. (Yep, I said it!!) Dare I say, it’s an anthem.
2. No man who has experienced or is currently experiencing a WAP is offended. None of them. The last 24 hours have been filled with “Hey Stranger” texts and/or blowing they WAPper’s back out. Respect.
4. Cardi and Meg are not rarities. They are us OUT LOUD. And you know it.
6. Nasty, in this instance, is hate speech. Period. A lil nasty ain’t never hurt nobody. Get nasty. Thank me later. You’re welcome in advance.
5. Ear to the street, WAPless “exchanges” are not enjoyable experiences. That’s just what I heard. How annoying is a creaky door hinge? Exactly.
6. WAP has proven, “you can’t handle the truth”. Hate to see it. Authenticity is the move. That’s respectable.
7. So ya’ll want a COVID society AND a WAPless society. Jesus take the wheel. Dis tew much. Just enjoy the moment. Wit cho WAPless ass.
8. Every WAPper 35+ rocked them updos. Religiously. Pump It all the way Up. Black excellence at it’s best. How you mad at the culture? Classic WAPless energy.
9. Every WAPper 30+ bout to get them updos. As they should. Rep yo cli(ck).
10. You see what I did in #9? Guaranteed WAP affiliates caught it. Lol
11. All P ain’t WAP. Unfortunate reality. Hence the WAPless behavior we are now experiencing. Again, hate to see it. Stay with me. There’s hope.
12. Women with WAPs yoni steam and beeeeen stopped douching.
13. Please stop douching. Seriously. We know better now. Free yourself asap.
14. WAPs are attainable. See #12. Chill out. Just get you one.
15. Cuz I’m always gone end the #SupportBlackLife way. If you need a black owned yoni steam vender/herbalist or literally almost anything black owned, holla back.

P.S. Some of us cook and clean.

Dora the Goddess is a life experience, my damn thoughts and opinions writer/storyteller for Black With No Chaser. Goddess is a 2012 graduate of THEE Jackson State University and career youth and family advocate. She is a lover of God(dess), Black life, Black words/thought, Black love and food, in no particular order, but food is bomb af. Follow along. The Black Way.

FB: @tesia.sutton

IG: @dora.thegoddess

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