Here is what I’m thinking.
Ya’ll know how Steve Rogers became Captain America? You know, he got into some chamber, they injected him with some super human cocktail bullshit, and then boom, he can beat up helicopters and shit? Yeah, I need someone to develop that same cocktail, except it turns me into a rich white man.
But not just a rich white man.
No, I need a cocktail that would make my father a rich white man. And of course, he obtained this rich white man richness by conducting racist practices, the same practices that he would pass down to me, along with his money.
And I need a lot of money.
In fact, I need so much money that I could be an idiot and still have money, even though I would lose a shit load of money. I need this cocktail to basically make me rich, while losing money. Because apparently the higher level of stupidity I achieve, the more money I get back. That’s how rich I want my rich white man richness to be.
And, of course, this same rich white man power would give me the ability to confidently over exaggerate by successful business acumen, even, as I have already stated, I am a fire breathing idiot. And I would need people to believe me when I tell them I am business savant, even if I lie to them literally every chance I get. I lie so much that no one should believe me anymore, but they do, and that’s because of my rich white man richness. They believe me, even if my lies, during a global pandemic, has cost the lives of thousands of Americans.
I know you’re probably thinking that I’m asking for a lot, but I’m really not, if you think about it. I’m not asking for intelligence; I’m not asking for charisma; I’m not asking for hair; I’m not even asking for average intelligence. I’m just asking for enough rich white man richness that I could be given a $72.8 million dollar tax refund for doing the exact opposite of what I promised, which is wining. I want to have the superpower of being given millions and millions of dollars for losing money, because of my complete ineptitude.
That’s all I ask. Could someone please fire up the Super Hero Chamber thingy?
Leslie McLemore writes about a lot of different shit for Black With No Chaser. He is also the Takeaway Kang and is the father of two beautiful girls, one of which gets on every nerve he has. The other one is sweet. So, you know, balance.
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