November 30, 2023

“SHUT THE FUCK UP,” yelled my 5 year old’s kindergarten teacher at her own kids.

Ok, she didn’t say “the fuck,” but she should’ve said it. I wouldn’t have blamed her if she did say it. In fact, I’m upset she didn’t say it. And that’s because I feel my 5 year old’s teacher’s pain. I feel her rage. And her rage has probably reached Super Saiyan levels because not only does she have to teach other kids, she has to also watch her kids.

That’s some ghetto ass shit.

But let’s circle back to virtual learning, in it’s totality. I get it. We are in a ghetto ass pandemic, that has been made worse by this ghetto ass president, in this ghetto ass country, with his ghetto ass administration. So naturally, we have to succumb to ghetto ass learning. I get all that. And I also get that not everyone is trapped in the virtual learning ghetto. Some students, especially the older ones, are not as ghetto, because they don’t have the attention span of an avocado, unlike these ghetto ass 5 year old’s.

And let’s be crystal fucking clear, THIS. IS. NOT. THE. TEACHERS. FAULT. These teachers are doing their best. And even though they have deserved pay raises long before this ghetto ass pandemic came to our ghetto ass shores, they ESPECIALLY deserve a pay raise, now. That, and a free subscription of weed.

And possibly even Xanax.

Oh, and let’s talk about these parents, with our ghetto asses. We are a ghetto ass mess. We out here cursing our kids out in front of our co workers, the kid’s teachers and whoever else want to get this work. We don’t care. We are all out of fucks to give. The lock-down/quarantine has won. We lost. And now, we are just hanging on for dear life.

But you know what? The more I think about it, the kids are fine.

If you are a kid, would you rather be at home with all your toys and snacks, and have a license to halfway pay attention in school, or would you rather be stuck at school, sitting next to the kid who doesn’t take showers everyday? So, it’s really just the teachers and parents who are just trying to make it, while the kids are living their best, ghetto ass life.

I hate it, here. I hate being these kid’s maids, butlers, the teacher’s teaching assistant, the cook, the house cleaner, the shit wiper. I hate it all. I love my kids. But I hate this shit. I bet Zoom never knew it’s services would be used to spread this much ghetto-ness around the world. You know what? From now on, I’m calling Zoom, Ghettoom.

“Come on Harper, school is about to start. Let’s join Ghettoom.”

Leslie McLemore writes about a lot of different shit for Black With No Chaser. He is also the Takeaway Kang and is the father of two beautiful girls, one of which gets on every nerve he has. The other one is sweet. So, you know, balance. 

Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.

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