As many of you know by now, BWNC’s top notch investigative team has interviewed a various array of people, entities and whatchamacallits.
And as the weather started to change and the leaves started to wither, we noticed that Fall is upon us. And with Fall, comes Halloween; and with Halloween comes candy; and with candy comes, well, a candy so divisive that it has caused family structures to collapse, relationships to end and Facebook comment threads to reach over 1k.
We reached out to the one and only Candy Corn. And it had a lot to say.
BWNC: It’s a pleasure, an honor and an absolute privilege to finally speak with you. Let’s jump right into it. Why are you so disgusting?
Candy Corn: Excuse me?
BWNC: Disgusting. Why?
Candy Corn: How am I disgusting?
BWNC: Well, because you’re Candy Cor..wait, you don’t know you taste like peppermint flavored shit?
Candy Corn: Have you ever tasted boo-boo?
BWNC: Ummm..well..I don’t really know how to answe..
Candy Corn: Hahahaha! Nah, I’m just messing with you bro. Yeah, I know I taste like boo-boo!
BWNC: Whew, oh ok, good! Because I was about to say, how Candy Corn, out of all the mfs, don’t know it taste like earring backs!
Candy Corn: Bruh, I taste like my grandmomma couch.
BWNC: You taste like if Mississippi had a baby with Florida and they named it Alabama.
Candy Corn: I taste like white on white crime.
BWNC: Couldn’t agree more. You taste like the COVID-19 vaccine with a hint of keto sugar. But anyway, it’s your time of the season again. How does it feel to be back in the limelight?
Candy Corn: It feels weird, honestly.
BWNC: How so?
Candy Corn: Well, because people are still eating me and I’m trying to figure out why. I taste like New Delhi tap water. Are these mf’s on that drink? On that weed? On that COVID?
BWNC: Well, that’s a good question. One of the COVID symptoms is losing your sense of taste and smell, so maybe that’s it. But I’ve interviewed COVID patients who lost their sense of taste for this interview and they said they could still taste Athlete’s Foot when they ate you.
Candy Corn: That’s what I’m sayiiiiiing! COVID is no match for me, my boy. Want your sense of taste back? Try me. I’ll start that back up once that sweet sensation of burnt rubber hit your taste buds.
BWNC: I’m just happy we’re on the same page. So, what would you say to the people who enjoy eating you? What would you say to those people?
Candy Corn: I would urge them to get tested.
BWNC: Tested for what?
Candy Corn: COVID, crack, shingles, something. Like, you gotta be on that Whitney Houston Live at the Apollo for you to eat me and enjoy it.
BWNC: Fair enough. Stay safe and stay disgusting.
Candy Corn: You too.
Leslie McLemore writes about a lot of different shit for Black With No Chaser. He is also the Takeaway Kang, the greatest baby father to the dopest babymomma, and the father of two beautiful girls, one of which gets on every nerve he has. The other one is sweet…sometimes. So, you know, balance. Sort of.
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