I’m a fan of bacon. Smoked bacon, Applewood bacon, thick cut bacon, Butchers Cut bacon, bacon bits, the bacon that’s been sitting in the kitchen two hours after breakfast, oven bacon, air fryer bacon, skillet bacon, the bacon half eaten by your kid that you want to disown because who eats bacon only halfway, I love it all. I call it bae-con sometimes when I’m eating it drunk at Waffle House in 2 in the morning.
And as an obsessive fan of bacon, I must say, with all due respect, f**k turkey bacon as a staff, record label, and mf crew….again, with all due respect.
Truth be told, bacon deserves to be served by itself, more. Like, stop pairing it with inferior foods. Putting bacon on lettuce is like putting Lebron James in an 8th grade AAU tournament. Anyway, I decided to try turkey bacon the other day. It’s been a while. I was on a turkey bacon habit years ago, trying to be super healthy, but I was like why? So what I die on Tuesday, instead of Thursday, who gives a shit?
And so I tried it again, and here is a short lists of things it taste like:
1.) Broken Dreams
2.) Salted Rubber
3.) Baked Salt
4.) Carboard Sodium
5.) Seasoned Furniture
6.) Purgatory
7.) Supper
8.) The CDC
9.) Mediocrity
10.) A Jackson, MS pothole filled with Gulf of Mexico water
11.) Starbucks Soul Food
12.) Regret
13.) Adulting
14.) Pointless Sodium
15.) Great Value High Blood Pressure
16.) Cured Plastic
Leslie McLemore writes about a lot of different shit for Black With No Chaser. He is also the Takeaway Kang, the greatest baby father to the dopest babymomma, and the father of two beautiful girls, one of which gets on every nerve he has. The other one is sweet…sometimes. So, you know, balance. Sort of.
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