What is a Ted Cruz?

*What is a Ted Cruz?*

A Ted Cruz is an organic, carbon based life form discovered by the Americans on the Moon.

*Wait, so this thing is not an Earthling?*

God, no. It’s a Moonling? Moon-erd? Idk, but it’s from the Moon. During the space race to the moon back in the 50’s and 60’s, Russia detected a small hint at a life form. However, because the United States was the first one to land on the Moon, they managed to capture it. They captured the Ted Cruz.

*Oooo, so they captured it when they went “Dark” correct?*

Yep.

*This sounds an awful like the premise for Transformers: Dark of the Moon.*

Never heard of it. But anyway, once they came back with the specimen and put it in a embryotic chamber, if you will, it started to transform.

*Are you sure you’re not talking about Transformers?*

No, now focus. So as it transformed into Optimus Prime, I mean Ted Cruz, the whites began teaching it. You know, shit like language, racism, not giving a fuck. The basic white people shit.

*Wow. So what happened next?*

Eventually they taught it something about American politics, more specifically Texas politics and what to say, and what people not to care about like the poor people, black people, brown people, unhealthy people, and pretty much anyone but rich white people.

*That’s interseting, because with the name Ted Cruz, it sounds Cuban.*

Yeah, they made that up. So that way when it became mature, it could fool some people into thinking it was a minority so therefore it sympathized with minorities or some stupid shit. They also made up its education. They forged that it went to the best schools in the country, graduated top of its class, and its colleagues consider it to be very smart, but it has yet to even display a modicum of intelligence.

*What does it do for a living?*

It’s a U.S. Senator.

*WTF! Can we stop it?*

No, not really. Once it grabbed a hold of racism, xenophobia, sexism and an all around lack of human decency, it became too powerful.

*They can’t vote it out?*

In Texas? HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!

*All you had to do was say no. But wait, Ted Cruz is the same Ted Cruz who flew off to Cancun when the state it represents was suffering, right?*

Yep.

*And that state is suffering in large part because of its doing, right? Such as not building better infrastructure, or electric grids, or not preparing for natural weather anomalies like the one going in Texas, right?*

Yep

*But they still won’t get rid of it, even though it’s against their best interest?*

Nope.

*Is it because of the racis…*

Yep, it’s because of the racism.

Leslie McLemore writes about a lot of different shit for Black With No Chaser. He is also the Takeaway Kang and is the father of two beautiful girls, one of which gets on every nerve he has. The other one is sweet. So, you know, balance. 

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