Why Do Black Republicans Have So Many Teeth?

I can’t even lie. I’ve been pondering this question for a minute, now. But, I’ve been too afraid to ask, out loud. Not because I fear backlash. Nah. But because, to me, it’s a very complex question. I mean, we are talking about breaking down the correlation between kooning and extra teeth at a genetic/molecular level.

Just recently, I was reminded of the audaciously ridiculous hair lines Black Republicans display on top of their heads on a daily basis from a meme posted on our IG and when I came across a 2018 write up written by Damon Young of Very Smart Brothas.

But see, the question of why Black Republicans have incongruous hairlines is self evident, to me, at least. I THINK them n*ggas get their haircuts from a blind, white barber, who thinks he’s black. Almost like the opposite of Clayton Bigsby. But instead of the blind, white barber being a member of the KKK, he’s a member of the Alpha Phi Alpha fraternity.

Ok, so now that we’ve solved that riddle, let’s move on to their chompers.

Attendees at Donald Trump’s Black Voices for Trump Coalition rollout event in Atlanta, Georgia, in November. Photograph: Elijah Nouvelage/Reuters
I call this Photo: Shirley “More Teeth Than I Can Count” Jones

Let’s take Daniel Cameron, the self hating black Kentucky Attorney General who hates black women even more, for example. See, my prevailing theory is that he was born with a mouth that could house the standard amount of teeth. However, over time, as his hate for black people, especially black women, grew and grew, his DNA was re-written, which allowed for his mouth to exponentially grow in order to make room for more teeth. Because, what makes a safe negro safer for white folks? More teeth, that’s what.

And then it happened.

Something extraordinary took place right after Cameron unethically, immorally and, in my eyes, illegally, did not pursue justice for Breonna Taylor. His mouth grew as big as the Grinch’s heart on Christmas. It grew three sizes, that day. And with it, grew an extra set of teeth so extra, that his face was almost stuck smiling so gawd damn much at the Republican National Convention, later that year.

But he’s not the only one. Over the years, as Black Republicans sell their soul, morality and apparently DNA, to garner power and access among people who look down on them, I’ve noticed a growth of teeth in photos. At first I thought to myself, “Damn, my iPhone pictures are getting clearer and clearer, because look at the set of teeth on that mf.” But, then I was like, that can’t be it. That alone doesn’t explain this phenomena.

A phenomena that is unfortunately occurring more and more often.

Leslie McLemore writes about a lot of different shit for Black With No Chaser. He is also the Takeaway Kang and is the father of two beautiful girls, one of which gets on every nerve he has. The other one is sweet. So, you know, balance. 

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